


Chaotic Idiots

by dat_carovieh



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: Aard the bard, Alcohol, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, Falling In Love, Feral Jaskier | Dandelion, Feral Lambert (The Witcher), Frotting, Getting Together, Hand Jobs, M/M, Naked Cuddling, Protective Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Semi-Public Sex, Sex Standing Up, Sharing a Bed, for Geralt and Eskel, for Jaskier and Lambert, freezing temperatures, idiots to lovers, just not like Jaskier imagined, riding a witcher
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:07:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29964759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dat_carovieh/pseuds/dat_carovieh
Summary: Geralt brings Jaskier to Kaer Morhen for the first time.There he learns, Geralt has been in a relationship for many decades. He also immediately takes a liking to Lambert.
Relationships: Eskel/Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Jaskier | Dandelion/Lambert
Comments: 28
Kudos: 64





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've written this fics some time in June and for various reasons didn't post it.  
> Feels weird to post it now. I really hope you guys are going to like it.
> 
> When I started writing it, I was planning to make it just a Geralt/Eskel story but after chapter 1 I knew it would be Jaskier/Lambert and Geralt/Eskel is now only a side pairing.

As the winter was drawing near it was time again to think about, where to spend the cold months.

“Are you going to Kaer Morhen again?” Jaskier asked, wringing his hands nervously.

“Hmm,” Geralt hummed affirming.

“I don’t really know where to stay this year. I didn’t get a teaching position this winter and also no court appointment. I guess I rent a room in Novigrad and hope I can earn enough to pay for it,” Jaskier explained and looked to Geralt. They were riding from the south to the north, the direction they both would go for the winter.

“Do you want to come with me?” Geralt asked suddenly. Jaskier was surprised, he didn’t know that was an option. He beamed at Geralt.

“Can I? Will the others be fine with it?” he asked excitedly.

“Sure, as long as you are going to pull your weight. I’m sure you will,” Geralt said.

Jaskier shifted excitedly in his saddle, making Pegasus neigh offendedly.

“I always wanted to meet your family, you have told me so much about them, I bet I will like them. Especially Eskel, you have talked so much about him.” Jaskier just barely registered Geralt’s growl at this and didn’t give it much thought. He was just excited to spend the winter with his best friend and his family.

* * *

The path up to Kaer Morhen was hard and cold. Winter came fast, but Jaskier had spent good money on winter clothing, so he was only freezing a little bit while they were riding into the mountains. He was wearing good boots, and he didn’t need to fear for his toes. They spent the last night before arriving at the keep next to a fire in a cave cuddled up to each other.

“So, tell me, is there anything important I need to know, before we arrive?” Jaskier asked.

“Hmm, Vesemir will expect you to help out with some stuff. We are trying to rebuild the walls, but you could also take kitchen duty, cleaning, or something like that. And don’t get offended by Lambert, he is an ass to everyone, but he is part of the family and we love him.” Jaskier laughed. That was about what he had heard about Lambert over the years. He was looking forward to challenge the youngest Witcher.

“And Eskel is uncomplicated. Just be nice to him.” Of course, Jaskier would, everything Geralt had told him about Eskel sounded like he was incredibly kind and a very good friend to Geralt, he expected to get along great with him.

* * *

The keep was as impressive as Geralt had said. It was pretty run down, but still really impressive and Jaskier looked forward to exploring it. Geralt seemed unusually excited as they entered. Normally he hid his emotions well, since he claimed he had none. But maybe he felt safer expressing them while he was here. His eyes sparkled joyfully and he seemed really eager to get inside. Jaskier did agree with that sentiment, since it was pretty cold outside and he couldn’t wait to get near a fire. Geralt didn’t seem to mind the cold though. He walked with quick steps through the yard, to the big doors, Jaskier could see him practically bubbling with excitement. At least going by Witcher standards.

They entered a big hall and it immediately felt much warmer.

“GERALT, you are here!” Came a joyful cry and a man was sprinting in their direction.

“Eskel!” Geralt was genuinely smiling, something he didn’t do a lot. He opened his arms and caught Eskel who was basically jumping at him. That had not been what Jaskier had expected. He had never seen Geralt this excited to meet anyone.

“I missed you,” Eskel said and took Geralt’s head between his hands, pulling him into a kiss. Geralt had his hands placed on his hips. Jaskier was standing next to them gaping.

“What…?” he asked confused.

“Ugh, that’s starting again.” A snarling voice came from where Eskel had appeared seconds before and a Witcher in black leather armor and black hair stepped into the light.

“Shut up Lambert,” Geralt said, without looking at him and raised his hand to an obscene gesture.

“Gross,” Lambert said coming closer.

“Ehm, Geralt, is it possible you maybe forgot to tell me something, when you told me about your family?” Jaskier asked, as Geralt and Eskel let go of each other, Eskel looked at Geralt.

“Wait, you did not tell him?” Eskel asked. Geralt looked at the ground sheepishly.

“Not exactly, no,” the white haired Witcher admitted.

Jaskier was not sure if he should be offended. Lambert next to him started snickering.

“You two are together?” he asked, just to make sure they were on the same page. Geralt nodded. “So how long have you been a couple?”

“Uhm, I think it’s 73 years this year?” Eskel answered. Jaskier’s eyes grew wide, that was more than twice the time he had been alive. That finally explained why Geralt had rejected him, back when he had a crush on the Witcher. Geralt could have just told him so— Jaskier had been thinking it had been something personal. That had been a long time ago and his feelings had changed into a platonic love, so he was happy for Geralt now, but still, he was sure it would have eased the hurt back then.

“Yeah that’s for how long I have had to put up with them being… grossly in _love_ ,” Lambert said, clearly not a fan the whole love thing. Jaskier laughed, he immediately liked Lambert and his wit.

“I see, you went through a lot of suffering,” Jaskier said sympathetically.

“A long suffering asshole is what he is,” Geralt let go of Eskel and walked over to Lambert, pushed his head down, put his arm around his neck and pinned his head against his side so he could roughly ruffle his hair.

“You just need someone who loves you,” Geralt said with a smirk.

Geralt did feel bad for not telling Jaskier about the kind of relationship he and Eskel had. It’s not that he didn’t want to or didn’t trust the bard. It was rather that they had never really given it a name and after so many years it felt so natural that he didn’t feel like it needed mentioning. 

Geralt had just unpacked his stuff in the room he and Eskel shared and now he paced the room. What if Jaskier and Eskel were mad at him now? Maybe Jaskier thought he didn’t trust him enough or Eskel thought he wasn’t important enough to be mentioned. He trusted Jaskier with his life and Eskel was the most important person in his life, had been since they met for the first time.

The door opened and Eskel entered, he frowned as he saw Geralt pacing and walked over to him, to pull him in a close hug.

“What are you thinking about, darling?” he asked softly. Oh gods how much Geralt had missed that. He leaned against his partner and pressed his face in the crook of his neck.

“You are not mad at me, for not telling him?” he asked. 

Eskel stroked through his hair. “No, why, should I be?”

“I thought you might believe you are not important enough. But you are. You are the most important person in my life.”

“I know Geralt, I’m not mad. Now come here and kiss me, since there is finally no one around to interrupt us.” Geralt felt relieved and lifted his head so Eskel could pull him into a deep kiss. The first couple of days after they reunited were always pretty emotional.


	2. Chapter 2

After Jaskier had unpacked his stuff, in the room he would be staying in, he had decided to explore the keep a little and ended up in the kitchen, where Lambert was apparently preparing dinner. Jaskier sat down and propped his feet up on the table.

“So, I gathered you’re the assholish one,” he said with a grin.

“And you are the annoying one,” Lambert shot back without looking at him.

“I’m… what? Did Geralt say that? I’m deeply offended, I’ll have you know that I’m the best company anyone could wish for.”

“Sure, you are, then be helpful company and set the table, bard,” Lambert said and gestured to the shelf full of tableware. Jaskier got up to do that, after all Geralt had told him everyone was supposed to pull their weight, and since Lambert was obviously cooking today, he should probably help out.

“Where are Geralt and Eskel?” Jaskier asked.

“Making out, I assume. I really love them but they can be pretty fucking annoying about that,” he growled.

As Lambert finished with the food and placed the pots on the table, the kitchen door opened and Geralt and Eskel entered, holding hands, giggling. Jaskier had never seen Geralt… giggle, he started to understand Lambert.

“Holy shit,” Jaskier blurted out staring at them.

“See what I meant,” Lambert said, nodding at them.

“Yeah I think I get it now.”

At least while they ate, they held themselves together, mostly, and weren’t all over each other. Vesemir had joined them, but apparently, he spent most of his time either in the library or the laboratory, so they generally wouldn’t see a lot of him.

After dinner, Vesemir had vanished again and the four of them were sitting in the kitchen, each with a mug of beer in front of them.

“Sooo,” Jaskier started, his head propped up on his hands and grinning at Geralt. “Here you are running around telling everyone, you have no emotions, while secretly being in a… grossly cheesy relationship for seven decades?” he asked. “You are a lying liar, who lies.” Jaskier waved his finger around accusingly. Lambert next to him was laughing.

“Yeah Geralt had always believed this whole ‘no emotions’-shit for some reason,” Lambert said, clearly very amused. “You should have heard them back then,” Lambert straightened his back and started to impersonate Geralt: “No Eskel, we can’t be in love, Witchers don’t have emotions.” Geralt took a piece of bread and threw it at Lambert. Lambert finished his performance with a bow and sat down again. “Eskel was ready to throw him out of the window. Everyone was so fed up with their shit.”

Eskel turned to Geralt. “He’s right, you know,” he said taking Geralt’s hand and intertwining their fingers. “You were a piece of work.” Geralt just grunted.

For mid-November it was still pretty warm and the sun was shining on the yard of the keep. Jaskier had agreed to join the Witchers for their training session. He did receive respectable sword training when he was younger but he had gotten a little rusty and a little brushing up would do him good. On the path there was barely time and he preferred very much to not get involved in the actual fighting. He was sparring with Lambert who did go easy on him, but just because he didn’t go full force, didn’t mean a even a moderately trained human could keep up. Thankfully they were using wooden swords, but Jaskier would come out of this heavily bruised.

“Come on, don’t give up or are you weak?” Lambert yelled at him.

“Oh fuck you,” Jaskier bit out and charged at him, ducked under his swing, rolled over the ground and hit Lambert’s legs in the process. It actually made Lambert stagger, but before Jaskier could get up, Lambert was over him, holding him down, his sword at his throat. Jaskier swallowed hard. A growling Witcher pinning him to the ground, sword at his neck certainly had an effect on him.

“Not entirely bad,” he commented and pulled Jaskier up. He looked over to where Geralt and Eskel were supposed to spar but their swords were lying discarded on the ground. Geralt had Eskel pinned to the ground. Hands held over his head, sitting on him.

“Oh gods, look at these two idiots,” Lambert commented, placing an arm on Jaskier’s shoulder, leaning against him.

“They really need to get a room,” Jaskier said, knowing Geralt and Eskel could clearly hear them, but ignored it. They were grinning at each other and Geralt leaned down, to kiss Eskel’s nose.

“Dude, that’s gross,” Lambert yelled over to them.

“So look away,” Geralt yelled back. Unconcerned, he bent down again, grabbed Eskel’s hair and kissed him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to thank everyone for the great comments. I was so nervous about this fic, because I loved it and was scared people might not share this opinion. I hope you will continue to love Jaskier and Lambert getting to know each other and be mutually grossed out by Geralt and Eskel being in love. :D   
> I'm sorry this chapter isn't longer.

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to know when I upload more, support me or just want to chat, you can follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/LupisLiontooth) and [Tumblr](https://dat-carovieh.tumblr.com/) for Witcher Shenanigans and Fic updates.


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